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[Mar. 19th, 2007|12:04 am] |
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i'm (finally) graduating on may 13th! english and japanese both in one day. what a treat. :D i hope to see my friends and loved ones there. smooches to my family, you guys put me where i am today. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 22nd, 2007|12:21 pm] |
It's been several months since I last wrote journalistically. With this last segment of my youth, I figure it would be nice to remember at least some of the booze-filled knights and sleepless daze accompanying me. So much of the time I feel like the image of staring up into the panorama of a rotating sky. giddy opennness, it seems. vast potential! gazing into an open sky. throwing up activities, classes, internship, work, friends, everything--and wondering what will land back on my head. (i hope something good and also soft)
last semester i had several stated goals which I tried hard to attain. I think I did, for the most part. so again, I will iterate for myself that which I would like to do.
1) Excel in classes. I want straight A's, A+'s. Great Letters of Recommendation. My classmate peers to eagerly await the next gems of brilliance dribbling from my lips. My professor to nod approvingly at my entrance. Which means I will be incredibly awesome at homework and keeping up with readings.
2) Work out like all get-out. I want a body that can do stuff. Currently I can't move 40 lbs without a cell phone to seek help. I want a body that can climb mountains, run forever, and chase cute animals like crazy. Along with that regimen of RSF, eat healthy and good and cheap.
3) FC like crazy. At my computer lab job, I want to facilitate and coordinate awesomely. I have an excellent team working for me, and I hope to be the FC of dreams of niceness, technically wonderful, and innovative.
4) Mentor and direct from the shadows. I am (unfortunately for some) rejoining my theatre group, if they'll have me. Last semester as comedy troupe director definitely changed me for the better/worse. I feel much more confident and happy and creative when I get to work with my peers for the betterment of our community. Plus, the emotional/spiritual swag is great.
5) Law like its my name. I will start my internship at an Asian law organization on Wednesday, and I hope this will connect me with a greater community as well as teach me life skills and the background of lawyer business. Its something I've never done before and I look forward to the challenge.
6) Develop life-lasting relationships. I will work hard and play hard, and I want friends that will last beyond this semester, who will attend my wedding and play shuffleboard with me on our senior citizen cruise. sweet!
7) Find a job. Sigh. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 4th, 2006|10:40 pm] |
ah, rain again. has it been so very long? rain falls and nostalgia rises as i inevitably connect it with the night. i just walked home from CT, grasping my skate wheels tightly to my chest to shield it from the water. i had paused on the threshold of my apartment only hours ago: skateboard or umbrella, CHOOSE!
so i came in dripping puddles and shucking off clothes hither thither to clump in wet piles. all around me lies the evidence of my busy schedule. work, class, big city interview, TR's CT. if only i hit the rsf after i would have contributed to all my goals today. its ironic--moving forward fills me with such optimistic despair. my interviewer today(and hopeful future boss) told me again that i have so much opportunity as a fresh graduate! i could only smile broadly and heartily agree even as i felt my heart shrink and my soul sigh. to think, i constrain myself with all my assertions of an ideal life, college, work, marriage, kids, done. get off the damn path! what am i even good at? i feel i could do very well at a job i hate. and i think i could fail miserably at things i love. ah, i do both now already. perhaps the key is to not hate, to not love. to not do well, to not fail? what is important in life? we always answer those fancifully. but i want to change the way people think. i want to open them up beyond whats known. i want to lie on warm beaches! and drink up sweet little peaches. forget my sad bearings, throw my shirt to the wind, and lets go dance in the rain!..
damn you rain, you make me think of future and past. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 23rd, 2006|01:37 am] |
i yet continue to be amazed by theatre rice. the love, respect, and support we all demonstrate for each other. thank you all! i love to hear your stories. let me listen, please. you leave me speechless.
and specifically, my ct baby is a joy to behold. on tenterhooks to see how everything develops! i sense greatness in the works here, and the manifest creativity will explode this weekend. so much to anticipate. i'm just perpetually awed and happy. ^__^ |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 13th, 2006|09:27 am] |
O_O
i just realized i'm a signatory for a student group at Berkeley, Quadruple O--the Oriental Organization of Orientals.
OOOO
as quoted:
Oriental Organization of Orientals (OOOO )
Purpose: To provide a space for professional and amateur performing artists to meet, develop and perform showcases that reflect a modern Asian-American theater
Meetings: We will meet once every week so that we can plan on having our various social events.
Activities: Various social events which have enabled us to hook up with one another and unite our orientalism. Boasting about our high membership numbers, we try to make all other groups seem trite.
now, i didn't write this...its all part of the bid to embiggen(to use a springfield term) TR. i wonder what incoming students think when they run into all our groups like this though...
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| memory map! |
[Sep. 12th, 2006|11:03 pm] |
oh, i also want to start a memory map. i tread the same roads every day, but once in a while, old memories assail me, and i remember what happened that day on the wooden benches outside dwinelle--and right near sather gate that time--and its fun and sad all the time. all our memories are guided by a reference of time, but time seems so infinite, why not gather it by location? there's only so many places, and you can map out memories and find out how your life has run.
(i like to do this occasionally...group objects by personal subjective interest rather than objective taxonomy. recipes by when i first started cooking, books by effect on my life, pictures by favorite and unfavorite peoples)
i guess it would be a fun urban delinquency program to write up mini-paragraphs of a memory at a given place, and glue it there on the sidewalk or bench or wall or statue or whatever. hopefully someone will read it and feel the memory of that place. i wonder if some zones are prone to be more sad than others? will other people add on? will three feet in front of the leftmost dwinelle plaza bench always be known as a site of tragedy? is the ledge in front of wheeler a place where people go to contemplate life? i wonder. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 12th, 2006|10:41 pm] |
whats up with all the jerks lately? man. i was hitting a stretch of good times and happy days when all these bewildering pops of bad news nab me.
for example, right before i ran to a TR committee meeting, i stopped by FSM cafe to grab my Biblical Tea(english breakfast tea with milk and honey). while waiting for the tea to steep, i stepped outside to the terrace and was delighted with the setting sun over VLSB, a fresh warm indian summer breeze flew up and tickled me and i was happy. i read some of my medieval letters book and removed my grey wool jacket. good times.
boooo!! then i stroll back inside, hoisting my two heavy bags and draping my just-removed sweater over my arm. i stood at the counter, mindlessly pouring honey into my cup. suddenly i see the guy next to me jump backwards and i shrink back as i notice the growing flood of coffee. i look at my sweater and shriek a tiny eep! as i notice the spreading stain of black evil. i wrung as much coffee out as i could, then held it out in front of me in shock. the guy who spilled the coffee looked at my sweater and walked behind me, presumably to fetch napkins. i stare sadly. ernesto walks by and gives me a whats up. i sigh hello, and, someone spilled coffee all over me. he asks who? and i turn and say that guy. he overhears me, pays for his brownie, says oh uh sorry, and quickly strolls away. i again stare in shock down the hallway. gar! i wanted to shake my fist and yell, but i might have spilled more tea everywhere. thus, i had to walk home alone late at night in a tank top and shorts and a wet smelly jacket stuffed in my bag.
sigh. then the other day, i was dressed smartly in long overcoat and pearls, striding confidently down the street for auditions and interviews with the potential cast. i crossed the street and just caught up to the garbage truck. smelly, but it was a nice brisk morning and i kept walking so as to pass it. just as i gain on it, the truck pulls ahead of me another two buildings, and repeats. by the time i get to it and pass, repetition. i couldn't very well run in my clothes, so i bore it down a city block....then took off across the street and turned the corner. evasion! success!
speaking of cast--this semester is starting out beautiful and organic. lots of good kids, and i'm excited to begin direction. despite bumpy starts for me last semester, i think i'm settling down to Berkeley student life nicely. i really will miss being a student when i leave...but for now i want to wow everyone with my merit in invisible awesomeness. some writing drafts in the works, thinking up quality plots. i'll spend time and attention with people who matter to me, and get rid of the ones who make my life a mess(coffee and otherwise).
i don't want to say too much to jinx anything, but aaahhh....i want that feeling of warm breezes and setting suns to wash over me all the time |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 8th, 2006|10:33 am] |
www.kawaiinot.com
what a cute and clever site bwahahah it really does seem like something barbra would love |
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| a kooky poem |
[Sep. 6th, 2006|03:24 pm] |
Tippled! (also found in l. 4-5)
i awoke myself with a delightful yawn
which ended in a surprising yip--
from whence did this croak spawn?
i lurched out of bed and began to tip
pulled the pillow with me to stand.
before my eyes! my heart commenced a flip
"why before me in this land?"
i questioned later in the soapy shower
as i brushed my teeth with a foamy hand
for in a suprising show of power
in the midst of my messy room
had shot up a gigantic sunflower
as i pondered this, a thought began to loom
was reality wrong or my head?
could i blip myself out of existence and into doom?
ack! i awoke with a start in my bed.
had it all been but a flourished dream?
why else had i into the shower fled!
i stared a while at the overhead beam
of sun and wood as i buttered my brain
and sniffed some bacon and lovely tea steam
from the kitchen a sweet refrain
again, a melody of B-L-T scent
gladly let the grease this tongue stain
into the delicate white bread i pressed a finger dent
the bitter bite of arugula swarmed my little mouth
five minutes later from my waist i bent
could i save it fast as brandon routh?
in slow motion i watched it zoom lower to the floors
alas all my efforts, my sandwich had gone south.
couldst i pick it up? were there no mores?
it beeped at me and i stared in shock
so i ran around and opened all the doors
when the windows to my soul opened ad hoc
damn! another dream! in hope i stared at the rising dawn
no more I prayed, i worshipped my tiny cell clock. |
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| some sexual healing would be nice too |
[Aug. 28th, 2006|10:28 pm] |
i'm finally on the road to mending. my blood blister fell off today, pretty gross. my hip still has this gnarly scar on it, and i limp if i overexert my left knee. but so much happier now! i can run and tumble and still smile afterwards. i prefer the not-tumbling though...
for the most part, first day of school was somewhat anticlimactic. firstly, i started the day at 7:30am and had work in a slow lab for four hours, followed by one class. funny story: my one class is an english junior seminar, waitlisted like sardines. all the enrolled kids showed up, with at least 9 extra kids to spare. we went around the room and everyone introduced themselves and their interest in the material. one kid halfway through decided to introduce himself thusly:
"uh hi, my name is _____. i'm an english major. i just signed up for one of the English 100 classes. i didn't know what this was going to be, so its a pleasant surprise to see its uh...asian-am literature. so, cool."
our intense and intelligent professor's reply: "...you didn't know what class this was? you know, you'd think something inside of you would tell you NOT to say that on the first day of class to an impacted section. do you even want to take this course? there are 9 other students here who actually care."
wow. scary. yet very accurate. who says that?! to the professor?! he should have known better...we'll see if he's allowed back on wednesday.
but onto more anticlimax. after four regular years, its now my ninth, and penultimate semester. EVERYONE is younger than me. after attending summer class every morning at 8am, its freakishly odd to see so many kids swarming the dwinelle/wheeler/sproul triangle of fliering.
sadly, hardly any of the sororities or frats or groups flier to me anymore. am i so jaded and glaring? the business kids and christian kids still thrust their grubby little hands at me, and though i politely declined, my heart rejoiced at the thought of being mistaken for someone a little younger than FIFTH-YEAR. sigh. thats what my mind screams at seeing these so-called peers. i am a menacing sight! grr!! i'll beat you with my skateboard!
but at the same time, i think it frees me up to pursue my interests--i really want to kick ass with school this semester. i want those A+'s. if not A++'s. i will be comedy troupe director with lisa this semester, pulling in my fourth and fifth comedy troupes--it shall be an extravaganza of unstoppable momentum with fantastical ideas and theories i've already begun to contemplate. i want to make work fun for new hires and juniors at the labs, and i'm already setting up hopefully fun games and events and advice. i want to start to work out and (godforbid!) actually use some of those scary machines at the rsf. [i usually go there just to stretch and do some light cardio, but i'm sick of being teased about it!] and lastly and scariest for me...i want to do an internship, meet crazy industry people, and relinquish my money to bart to the city daily to fetch coffee and be subservientnice.
my goal this semester is to excel at everything. different from other semesters, i'm driven more by jumpstarting some preparations for a life after berkeley, while busting at the seams to explode like a starry dream in the mark I can leave here.
for the remainder of my time here, i shall rock it. |
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| new school supplies, hurrah! |
[Aug. 21st, 2006|09:24 pm] |
heck yes this semester will be great! as my penultimate six months in berkeley, i hope to make it a blast. i'm glad lisa lee will be at my side, we love each other; as co-workers and co-directors and co-friends we'll be seeing each other every day. i mean, who else loves me enough to take me to the tang center at the drop of an "ow" and sit there waiting for me for over an hour?! (and your special friend too, lisa, who i'll keep secret for your sake)
**btw, i got an x-ray, but it turns out i just had a bad blood contusion and a few blood blisters and a rising trapezium which deserves a regimen of ice, painkillers, time-off from boarding, and more caution in the future.**
had starter meetings for work and TR today, a lot of changes, a lot of good things to look forward to. ah! i'm excited! aaaaand a lot of good play time this weekend. things for which lisa and friend tease me. heh.
and a new canon sd630 camera to kick it off. ah splendid. look forward to more inane pictures of everything--bwahahahhahahha |
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| Face-Plant |
[Aug. 17th, 2006|11:23 am] |
ah, the rising glories of skateboarding, and the falls. today was a fall. this story occurs in the vicinity of sather gate, beloved monument of berkeley. dork that i am, i was chatting on the phone with an old friend i was about to meet while slowly, slowly meandering down the hill on my board. granted, its bad form but i was thinking about something else. just as my friend says "i see you" diaster struck-i tripped on a crevice going slowly, and i faceplanted onto pebblestony concrete. i managed to roll over onto my back to see a beautiful blue sky beckoning. subconsciously i said to myself, "aosora" --blue sky as i slowly noticed bystanders ask me if i was ok. a hand reached down to me and i lifted mine to receive it. thank you stranger. i stood, and limped to my right side. ah, bruises along my left knee. i thanked the people for their care, gathered my belongings and went along my way.
i was in shock for quite a while as my brain and body tried to meld again. suddenly i noticed blood on my hands and waist, and then the pain kicked in like an old donkey refusing to listen. even now, my entire body is aching, sore, and on fire, all at once. little blood clot bruises, three inches of cuts along my hip, an increasingly swollen and bruised knee and more...agh.
agh agh my hip and knee hurt so bad now...and i got a blood clot on my finger right where i type. :( i am not a happy camper right now. i wish i could go home and rest, but i shall be studying on campus for my big final tomorrow...
**oh, and i broke my phone in the process. i can only receive calls, i can't call out unless i memorized the number already, and if you don't live at my house in LA, that means i can't call you. :( |
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| up in the sky! |
[Aug. 11th, 2006|08:53 pm] |
yay! kudos to barbra and her awesome camera skills. phoenix cloud! i love it! |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 7th, 2006|02:06 pm] |
haha, i love my mom. her e-mails are a constant joy in my life. the wisdom, the love, the misspellings...it all warms the cockles of my heart, and it keeps me real, i think. so even though i can't really communicate this happiness to my mom(i don't think she'd understand why), i can share her knowledge with the world at large. (i love you too, sisters, i know you guys read this and thats why i don't post gross stuff about myself. not that i have any, anyhow. :[ )
Dear Jade,
Peter was back already, if you have time you can emil him and try to encourage
him prepare the SAT . I do worry he is wasting time at playing the computer
games all the time.
Jade, mom knew you are busy for studying. Please remember prepare youself for the sucessful future life. Never depends on man or your husdand!! As good knowledge is permanantly implant in your own brain. Man would respect and love charming and high quality class woman!!
Did you have a lot of friends for those can cummunicate well around?
Good luck!
Love u
Mom |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 6th, 2006|03:42 pm] |
yay for time to cook! i'm finally getting better, i think. veal piccata, mushroom and edamame risotto, red wine reduction sauce, poached chicken with garlic rice, steamed artichoke with aioli...
the only problem is i can't finish everything. :( and if i keep eating more, i'll get tubby! like barbra's old puppy! so i end up freezing half the food.
and...i think i'm ready for a new kitty. i loved purrface like the world, but i think he'd want me to have a new best friend. back to BEBHS for a baby kitty! at least i have all the supplies this time, so it hopefully won't be as expensive? i'm thinking little domestic shorthair, a baby boy. and i'd name him either meowhead or boycat. eeee! i'm so excited...a little kitten romping everywhere and driving me crazy with his cuteness... |
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| good show |
[Jul. 31st, 2006|09:54 pm] |
summer in rice = awesome
thank you all--cast crew and audience for a magnificent show. yay! we pulled it off! even with an incompetent leader producing the show, id est, moi. a little recap of it all--
0. constant change intro -- stomp stomp, "because we could all use some change!"
1. M&M's -- a colorful foray into death and inescapable fate
2. Improv -- an Armando assortment of scenes with Zeus, guns, and gorillas
3. Film -- wardrobe metamorphosis into self-confidence starring my apartment
4. Musical -- a Gay Extravaganza of clubbing, song, jazz, and mini cookies with tea
5. Dead Wives' Society -- femme revue of deadpan humor, stereotyping, american politics, and the glory of anthony kennedy
6. Dance -- from the Big Bang to Evolution to Hip Hop to Crazy Monkey Dance to Sexy Time to Jazz Hands to the Robot to a clap/stomp to rap/cheer to Death.
*. Ending -- Cheer dismount with death scream and ensuing death. frantic activity of actors onto stage followed by "someone killed jade....HURRAY! SUMMER IN RICE!"
ah, glorious. i loved the variety of the show and the creative enthusiasm of my fellow actors. i appreciate all the hard work, the attendance at meetings, the tabling, the e-mails, the daily rehearsals, the late-night-staring-at-the-ceiling, everything.
thank you all. i look forward to seeing you all again next show!
(and one thing i learned from all this...segue is not pronounced the way it looks. seg-way.) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 24th, 2006|03:02 pm] |
Currently Reading: Growing Up Female with a Bad Reputation -- Slut! by Leora Tanenbaum.
i also bought Chinese America: The Untold Story of America's Oldest New Community by Peter Kwong and Dusanka Miscevic yesterday. excited about new books, encouraging others to join reading club? make me think, force me to change, get me riled up! i want to feel everything. or at least something, again. |
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| Would I Watch My Own Play? |
[Jul. 23rd, 2006|12:03 am] |
one of the most important points for acting i learned from an esteemed teacher is to realize you are on stage, to realize that even if you truly believe in and empathically feel your role, it comes to nothing if you cannot relate this depth of character to your audience. only your voice and movement can deliver this to them.
...and thats how i feel now with my life. i feel empathically and thoroughly, but it amounts to nothing if i don't project it to the world. my sister once told me that i was a classic artist--someone who absorbs the world's emotion through the skin, and reflects it with my own outbursts of energy and feeling. but i think i got lost somewhere. what potential i carry within this body amounts to wasted energy.
i exhibit such classic "straight-a high school student" syndrome--i did well early in my life without trying, but now that i have a chance to work hard and prove who i can become, i'm afraid all that untapped potential isn't untapped, merely nonexistent.
so i figure the point is to live my life on a stage. relate my insides to the outsides. become my own character and study the role i choose to play. in my character bio, i guess i'd want something like this:
Dreamy writer. Clever dialogue and witty aphorisms drip from her honeysuckle mouth. Comic relief with potentially intelligent wording offset by mispronunciations and mistaken thesaurusizing. Worldly and urbane, jokes to self in foreign languages. Clumsy and absentminded, yet meticulous with self-professed obsessions in book and spice organization. Daunted by an unknown future, becomes by profession a writer with no writings to her name. Eventually her scribblings are published in a small but professional journal, and she goes back to school to earn more degrees.
ah, wishful thinking. but i can dream...and then i can do it |
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